


better that I break the window

by sandyk



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, examinations of violence, over use of the term freak out, racist attack, slurs only alluded to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26198758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Peter gets angry and goes too far. Peter tries to examine his heart and morals.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Kudos: 17





	better that I break the window

**Author's Note:**

> For the hurt comfort bingo spot fighting. Title from fiona apple's window. Thanks a!!!

Because all three of them were disasters in their own way, Peter, Ned and MJ left the diner late, together. They'd gotten a lot of studying done at least. It wasn't very late, it was just significantly late. The buses were running okay. The three of them walked towards a bus stop. 

They'd been walking for about five minutes when a tall - taller than any of them, including MJ - white guy who was not dressed to impress walked past them and then turned around to yell at MJ. He was yelling specifically at MJ, given the horrible words he was using. Peter clenched his jaw. Last time this happened, because it had happened more than once, what the fuck New York City? when he said something MJ had been angry with him. He tried to understand, he knew there was no amount of empathy that would make him actually understand MJ's life. She didn't want, she didn't need him to defend her, or that was her basic vibe. 

But the tall asshole bigot got upset at his lack of response. He walked closer to them, to MJ. Peter knew a fight was about to start, and that he was going to intervene. Intervene with a vengeance. He waited until TAB actually threw the punch, he didn't want to provoke anything. Then he was between MJ and TAB and grabbed TAB's fist before it got very far. 

Peter felt relaxed and tense all at once, like he was riding a storm of energy. He could kill someone energy. 

TAB screamed, eyes narrowed and said a very very bad word. So Peter tightened his grip on the man's fist until he heard a crunch or two. TAB dropped his hand, still spitting in anger. Peter sensed TAB's attempt to kick him and blocked it with his forearm. That was another broken bone. Peter practically snarled. When he heard himself, he stepped back. He liked it too much, it made his stomach churn. This was him being slammed sideways. 

MJ grabbed his hand and pulled him a few feet away on their way to the bus. She abruptly dropped his hand and backed away from him. She said, "That's. That was." He could see her shake a little. "I knew about all the spider stuff, but that was. You freaked me out." She turned around and half ran to her bus stop. 

"MJ," he said but it was like a nightmare where his voice didn't come out. 

Ned said, "I'm not freaked out." He patted Peter's shoulder. "But we should also get moving. And you might want to invoke your powers of hiding stuff through technology. That would not look good on Youtube."

"Oh," Peter said. "Okay. Did I freak out?"

"Nah," Ned said. "You were angry. That guy deserved it." Ned looked over his shoulder. "Can't you call an Uber? That dickwad is being really loud."

"I think I broke some bones, definitely did that," Peter said. He took out his phone and summoned an Uber using the account Tony had given him. Then he tapped and tapped until he had Karen pulled up. "Hey, Karen, can you make sure there's no cameras around here? I mean if there are make sure they're wiped. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Peter," it said. "I found the incident and have wiped you and your friends from the cameras. Have a good night. Your Uber will be arriving for you and Ned in two minutes."

"That part freaks me out a little," Ned said. "I can't believe you can just do that, on your phone!"

"You could do it, I bet," Peter said.

"I don't mean the tech part of it, I mean that Tony Stark can just do that. For good reason, but it's still freaky."

Peter sighed. "I know. I know."

They were actually in the Uber when Peter remembered everything MJ had said. He turned to Ned and said, "Wait, did MJ say she knew? Like, knew knew?"

"That sounds so weird when you repeat it, like you're saying snoo snoo or something." Ned shrugged. "I assumed she knew. She did say it."

"You just assumed she knew? Why didn't you say something to me?"

"Because she dropped hints all the time she knew, I assumed you were smart enough to pick up on them?" They'd reached Ned's place. He patted Peter's shoulder. "Sometimes you really aren't a genius."

With just Peter in the car, being driven home by a very nice guy Peter was going to give five stars to for sure, he had time to really dwell on how freaked out MJ had looked. She had looked like she was scared of him. She'd looked maybe appalled. With Peter. 

When he got all the way home, May was already asleep. He just worried to himself and was surprised when he fell asleep. 

At lunch, he wasn't even sure if MJ would even sit with them and she didn't. She walked over and said, "Obviously I'm not going to tell anyone who you are, duh, I've known for months. But I'm still, like … " 

Peter said, "I'm sorry, though. I was just really angry and it makes sense that you were freaked out. I should be better about that, and not immediately go for violence when I'm angry."

"Oh," MJ said. "That's a pretty spot on apology. Thanks. But I'm still eating in the library for a day or two."

"Cool," Peter said. "Whatever you want."

Ned stayed silent until MJ had left. He said, "You really think you had to apologize?"

"Yup," Peter said. "I pretty much haven't been thinking about anything else since. I didn't have to hurt that guy, I could have just stopped him from hurting MJ and then made sure he didn't come after us. There were lots of ways that didn't involve a full smackdown."

Ned considered. He said, "Okay, but if you just block him, how do you really stop him from just attacking and attacking?"

"Maybe, but we don't know, do we?" Peter sighed. "It's just so easy for me, so I should extra be thinking about it."

"That's a really good point," Ned said. "Good thing you're the one who can do that and not some asshole."

"I just showed I can be an asshole," Peter said. 

Ned rolled his eyes. He said, "This is not an example of that."

Peter had been thinking about talking about this to May for what felt like forever so he basically blurted it out the first minute he saw her. It was probably more information than she was up for. The way she reacted made him think it was more than she could take. He ended with "I'm sorry. Sorry."

"Wow, Peter," she said, hugging him tight. "You've been really thinking about this, huh?"

"Yeah, maybe too much," Peter said. "Ned said it was too much."

"I don't think it's too much," May said. "I think it's the right amount. You were wrong. You apologized to MJ. It's a good thing. Did you make sure that guy's okay? Or at least in a hospital?"

"No," Peter said. He flopped down in one of the chairs by the dinner table. "I should have asked that."

May rolled her eyes. "Sweetheart, you're not even sixteen yet. Cut yourself some slack. Not too much slack but some."

Peter took out his phone and started doing all the work to get to Karen. May made a call to order dinner. "Hey, Karen, what happened to the guy from last night?"

It told him. Peter said, "He went to the hospital. Someone called an ambulance, probably Karen. They're treating him but also they found out he has a bunch of warrants outstanding. I guess MJ isn't the first black girl he wanted to beat up."

"So it's good you stopped him even though you'd be better doing it a different way," May said. "I hate to say it, but you know who might be a good resource for this? Don't make me say his name."

Peter laughed. "He tried to call me twice today, I guess Karen tattled."

"That's not tattling," May said. "Your Ethiopian will be here in ten minutes."

"OOOOooh, from that new place? MJ said they were great," Peter said. "I really want to, um, talk to her. Feels weird not just texting her."

"Another good thing is respecting her wishes, and you're all about doing good, right?"

Peter nodded. He knew it, but he hated it.

After dinner, Peter sat on his bed and called Tony. It was nice, Mr. Stark answered right away. Peter started to explain and then stopped. "You think this is a bad thing, right?"

Mr. Stark said, "For you, yes. You got bullied, right? Punched once or twice?"

"Actually, no," Peter said. "Before I became Spider-man, I was never in a physical fight. I mean, people made fun of me, I think I got pushed once when I was six? Almost tripped once. But actually hurting me is pretty rare. I first got punched when I'd been Spider-man for about five minutes."

Mr. Stark sighed. "Lucky you. In my day, at boarding school and college, I got punched a lot. Punched a lot of people, too. I did a lot of looking back in anger, pushing back. Which is why I want you to be better. Better than me or Steve. You don't have to fight your way out of everything."

"Cause violence is wrong?" 

"Sometimes. It probably shouldn't be our first resort but it usually is. Of course, we, this category of heroes, are often faced with situations where the only real answer is violence but there's something wrong when you enjoy it too much. A fine line and all that. Vision would argue that our reliance on firepower means there'll always be fires to put out. Did you need an easy answer?"

Peter half laughed. "I really just want to talk to MJ again."

"Okay, okay," Mr. Stark said. "You seem a little down, so I'm not going to respond to that wide open target. Get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

Peter really did feel better in the morning. He was a little resentful about that. 

There was a lot he enjoyed about being that strong, about being that fast and flexible. He'd always been the small one and not strong enough. But he wasn't bullied like Mr. Stark, he was just unpopular and occasionally picked on. Sometimes he just wanted to be justice. Whatever that meant. 

At the end of the next day he was just sad about not hanging out with MJ. He would have said something to Ned but he didn't really want to think through his Feelings or whatever. Ned was great, but sometimes Peter just wanted to be a baby and wallow. 

He didn't text, he just went over to her apartment. He'd only been there once before. He knocked on the door and tried to look non-threatening. 

MJ opened the door. "Dude," she said. 

"I know, I know," Peter said. "I know I'm being a little creepy, but I really miss you."

MJ said, "That's nice." She pressed her lips together. "Okay, come in."

He stepped just inside, he was trying to minimize the creep factor. Peter said, "I promise, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I really do know --"

"Geez, Peter, I get it. We're good. Honesty," MJ said. She waved towards her bedroom. It was a small apartment, only MJ and her mom. Peter went into her room after her. She sat down on the bed and he sat next to her.

"The thing is," MJ said. "You know, my grandfather died in jail. He beat a man to death. My aunt has a limp from, uh, his idea of parenting. My dad was always really careful about not being like that, unless he was drunk. He never hit me or my mom, but I saw him once or twice, with other guys at the bar."

Peter nodded. He knew MJ's dad had been murdered, she'd mentioned it really briefly once when he was down about his uncle Ben. He hadn't known about the rest. Peter said, "I was still wrong. But I'll think about it now. I should, right?"

"Peter, come on, you already think about it, you're not some out of control loser," MJ said. 

"I am almost sixteen," Peter said. "That's not, what did you call it - an age of wisdom?"

"I was talking about Flash, though," MJ said. She grinned for a split second. She said, "You've got to beat it, though, it's almost dinner time."

"Okay, okay," Peter said, standing up. MJ caught his hand and entwined her fingers with his. Now Peter was having a hard time breathing but he was probably grinning too wide. "Cool, cool, cool, I should go."

"You're getting this despite the freak out, your freak out. Not because of. Don't get it twisted in your head, like I want your puffed out chest and all that," MJ said. She stood up without letting go of his hand. Then she kissed his cheek and dragged him out of her room. "Seriously, scoot."


End file.
